Her Ithaca

Last night, I joined the last meeting of a group working which was my first time with them. As for my observations, they were gathering all the time; sometimes each reading book silently and then discussing the subject they have just covered or sometimes deciding a topic to discuss with. It came to me an ordinary attempt of any person to social environment. For an anti-social person who likes to be alone like me, these sort of social attempts are both unnecessary and hard to adapt. In the last minutes, the moderator asked for each of us ideas about the group. One woman said that before coming to this ‘book-reading then discussing’ group, she hesitated a little for being shy. A lawyer started his speech by focusing on the necessity of such activities. I imagined the conventional meetings in American movies where drug users, alcohol addictions come together and talk about their problems. It was the most ridiculous thing I have met for the last five years. No specific reason for the number five, by the way. Then, so called director of the group who arranged all the meeting places, hours or topics and who imposed the inspiration of getting sociable in a society. I just pitied on them. In the conclusion speech, he talked about his biggest dream briefly that was entering the Guinness World Records by collecting approximately 15 thousand people and making them read a book in the same time. It sounds interesting though but never ever supports his theory of the reason why he arranges such kind of meetings. The main reason of his excitement that pushed him to try to win Guinness was to prove the World that ‘our’ Turkish people are not such passive as thought generally. Alright, I am not in the intention to stating a long and boring deference for the fascist part of the situation rather I prefer to reveal the other side of ‘their’ dreams.
Last night was only one of the answers of the question I had on mind lately (about 20 years maybe). The reason of the world? The most basic and the most complicated question any person may have if his IQ is upper than 50. I would most probably not thinking in the same way of religion text (including my own) as it has always been, but whatever the Allah or God tells about the purpose of His creating the universe, human being, etc, it is a sad conclusion for me to understand that who whole damn thing was based on self-satisfaction. In case a feeling does not fulfill your empty egos which are hungry all the time, that is called shyness, anti-sociability, unconventional. Because you have to prove, prove that you exist and you have to market yourself, your personality, your ability. Right now, I am marketing myself for example by writing this paper to satisfy myself as if I am criticizing the system of nature. Even our daily lives are established in the aim of satisfaction. The challenge and survival of the staying alive in the life turned into selfishness of every individual…


P.S: All the time something is missing, stays uncompleted like this paper. Every time I am interrupted by two girls sitting next to me, by the noise of the streets, by a telephone call, by facts of realities. To give an end to this deficiency in the life. Yes, would not be that ‘enough’ Ithaca of a little girl?